Saturday, 29 March 2014

My Beautiful Sister...

“Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. ” 
― Barbara Alpert

3 Years ago today I lost my big sister. 
Those of you who followed my last blog probably remember this.
I cannot think positively sometimes but most of the time I try. 
Sarah was 10 years older than me. She was my second Mum. When my little brother who is only 13 months younger than me, was born with a bi-lateral cleft lip and palette, it was up to my sister to take care of me whilst Adam got all the care he required and all the operations.

I annoyed her when I was growing. I destroyed her make-up(remember there was a lot of make up used in the 80s!) I sprayed all her hairspray whilst she was out(this led to me getting great at running when she realised this half an hour before heading out)
I followed her EVERYWHERE, I was her shadow.
When I role played growing up my name was always Sarah.
I looked up to her always...literally, she was 5ft 9, I am 5 inches shorter!
She was always there. From birth to her death. She was there.

I haven't got the best family as I have mentioned before. My sister and my brother are my world.
I have another older sister, I have 2 little ones. I have 2 little brothers but they are not what Sarah and Adam are.

When your whole life has been about a few people those people are everything. You don't ever have to be alone. You don't face things alone, you always have someone to share crappy jokes with.

Sarah was a character. We would go away for weekends and she would pretend I was her PA and she was a features writer for InStyle magazine. Somehow it always worked.
We got into the best clubs, mingled with celebs and got great discounts.
(We also got into a lot of pickles on these jaunts)

I miss her. I miss her so much. That is obvious.
I don't so much miss what we had, I miss what we could have had.
I miss all the birthdays we wont share, all the trouble we wont get into.
I miss finding out if her hair all would fall out because she changed it so often.
I miss her cheek and her mischievousness.
I miss having a big Sister x

My beautiful Sarah xxx

“If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?” 
― Jodi PicoultMy Sister's Keeper



  1. I'm sorry, Emma. Sarah sounds lovely and I am sure you miss her a lot. I'm glad you have such wonderful memories of your time together. Hugs to you.

  2. This is a beautiful tribute to your sister, Emma. The love shines through each word and phrase. I'm sure that she loved you just as much. She sounds like she was an amazing woman and full of fun.

  3. Ah this is very sad Emma - I am so sorry your beautiful sister had to leave you, but in spirit she is still by your side! Sarah can never be replaced but I pray your memories of her in happy times will be always be preserved in your heart and mind and give you courage and strength, as well as insight to understand and value the beauty around you day by day!
    I send you love, Joy xo

  4. Oh Emma....I am so sorry that you have lost your beautiful sister. You can see that sweet sister love in those pictures and I can only imagine how much you miss her. What a blessing to have had her with you in this journey....I am sending you prayers friend. Nicole xoxo

  5. I remember this from your last blog. Sibling loss is so misunderstood, I find. I think because it is something that doesn't really happen to people our age they find it hard to appreciate the extent of our grief. It is coming up to 2 years since my older brother died and I still have days where I can hardly believe it's really true. So, I am sending you love and strength and hoping that you can focus on all the good memories you have of your sister xx

  6. Sweet and sad Emma. I am sorry. Healing energy and continuing good memory wishes being sent your way.

  7. What a lovely tribute Emma. Your sister's character shines through your words and photos. So sorry for your ongoing loss. x

  8. Emma I am so sorry that you lost your sister. What a loss. I have two sisters, both younger than me, and I can't imagine not having them in my life. She was very beautiful, with a radiant smile and a mischievous look in some of those photos! Take care. xx

  9. So sorry Emma, you have written a wonderful tribute to your sister here, sending you love hugs and healing thoughts
    Clare xx

  10. Such a shame that your physical bond has been torn but the spiritual one will never break...when I read your quoted question from Jodi Picoult's book, my own answer was immediate and emphatic - yes!
    So sorry that you are suffering such a profound loss. Your sister is beautiful and fortunate to have a loving sister as yourself. Wishing you comfort and care xxx

  11. I am sorry for your loss Emma. Your sister sounds like she was beautiful both on the outside, and more importantly, on the inside. We are blessed people who have known family and friends like that.
    Blessings, Aimee

  12. Big hugs darling.... she was a beautiful, beautiful person, full of love and joy and laughter. Thanks for remembering her here. I'll never get tired of looking at her lovely face xxx