My Beautiful Sister...

“Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. ” 
― Barbara Alpert

3 Years ago today I lost my big sister. 

Those of you who followed my last blog probably remember this.

I cannot think positively sometimes but most of the time I try. 

Sarah was 10 years older than me. She was my second Mum. When my little brother who is only 13 months younger than me, was born with a bi-lateral cleft lip and palette, it was up to my sister to take care of me whilst Adam got all the care he required and all the operations.

I annoyed her when I was growing. I destroyed her make-up(remember there was a lot of make up used in the 80s!) I sprayed all her hairspray whilst she was out(this led to me getting great at running when she realised this half an hour before heading out)

I followed her EVERYWHERE, I was her shadow.

When I role played growing up my name was always Sarah.

I looked up to her always...literally, she was 5ft 9, I am 5 inches shorter!

She was always there. From birth to her death. She was there.

I haven't got the best family as I have mentioned before. My sister and my brother are my world.

I have another older sister, I have 2 little ones. I have 2 little brothers but they are not what Sarah and Adam are.

When your whole life has been about a few people those people are everything. You don't ever have to be alone. You don't face things alone, you always have someone to share crappy jokes with.

Sarah was a character. We would go away for weekends and she would pretend I was her PA and she was a features writer for InStyle magazine. Somehow it always worked.

We got into the best clubs, mingled with celebs and got great discounts.

(We also got into a lot of pickles on these jaunts)

I miss her. I miss her so much. That is obvious.

I don't so much miss what we had, I miss what we could have had.

I miss all the birthdays we wont share, all the trouble we wont get into.

I miss finding out if her hair all would fall out because she changed it so often.

I miss her cheek and her mischievousness.

I miss having a big Sister x

My beautiful Sarah xxx

“If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?” 
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

xxx